Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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