you traded sex for a burrito?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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