My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
