I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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