if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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