The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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