I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
