just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
