I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
