Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
