I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
