I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
