I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
