He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize