I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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