hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
