She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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