Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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