How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
