Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
