what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
