'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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