Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
