found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
