She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
