I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
