I just made out with a guy for $7.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
