I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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