The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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