i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
