If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize