I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
