I must be too annoying 4 u.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
