i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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