I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
