It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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