So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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