My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
