I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
