Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
