why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
