It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
