one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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