Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Randomize
