Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
