I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
