So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
