I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
