youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
