Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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