So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
