I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
