I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
