i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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