I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
