my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
