Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
