We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
