My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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