That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
