I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
