3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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