I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
