i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A bitchslap is in order.
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