Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
