I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
