and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
