Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My balls are so social today.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
