Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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