dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
