God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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