you have to choose: penises or morals?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
