Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
