My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
