im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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