I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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