I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
