Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
