I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
