I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
