a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
