I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize