im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
These tits shall not be calmed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
