your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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