I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
