i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
