Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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