Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
