I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
