I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you will always have a special place in my vag
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
