maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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