Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
