Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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