I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize