Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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