Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
