I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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