I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
