Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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