i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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