she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
