i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
