i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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