did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
